When reading my blog, or hearing anything I have to say about my boyfriend, or love, it may seem kind of sickening and maybe even boring. It may seem as though I had been blessed with a perfect life and that everything has just come so easy for me. You must know, it wasn't always this way. I faced my fair share of hard times and heartbreaking experiences. With my boyfriend, I almost feel as though I've been rewarded for spending so many years in misery. I have learned that everything happens for a reason; and even though you might not see that right away, eventually you will realize that everything just falls into place the way it's supposed to. So, here is my story…
I met my first boyfriend when I was thirteen. All through middle school I suffered of depression because I was relentlessly made fun of every single day and for that I just hated myself. I had the lowest self esteem and only two close friends. I felt so ugly and unworthy of any guy ever liking me. I cried every single day and even contemplated suicide. It’s safe to say that I’d rather block out most of my middle school years. Then I met him [let’s call him Phil]. I felt as though Phil had changed my life. He liked me, he was genuinely interested in me, and that honestly blew my mind. He told me that there was no competition between me and other girls, because that’s how great I was. For the first time in my life, I felt pretty, I felt loved, and most of all I finally felt happiness.
We were together off and on for most of high school. He was always the one to break up with me, because he’d be interested in other girls. I never once even thought about dating another guy, and I would just eagerly wait for the day that Phil came back. That day always came, without a doubt, but it wasn’t fair to me. It took me until my senior year in high school to realize that I was not in a normal relationship. All of my friends and family told me to just get over him, and move on, but it’s one of those things that I finally had to figure out for myself. I guess it was just hard for me to let go because he was such an important factor in my path to recovery, to become a normal person again. He was the first person that I could honestly say I loved, and I let him have my whole heart and soul.
Even though I decided to move on, Phil was always still in the back of my mind. I had met other guys, but I never gave any of them a fair chance because I didn’t want to let anyone else in. It was such a hard concept for me. Phil knew every single thing about me, better than I knew myself, and it took years for us to get to that point. How was I just supposed to start all over with someone new? At this point in time I had been working at a supermarket. It was in the summertime, right after I graduated high school. One day I was surprised to find myself working with a guy who was actually really attractive. [We will call him… Mike]. I immediately had a crush on him and wondered what it would be like to hang out with him. As if the universe had read my mind, I came home that night to find a friend request [on facebook] from Mike, and we ended up talking non-stop for the next few days. He asked me to hang out and I was so excited! I couldn’t believe this was all happening so quickly. When that day finally came, I told him I was sick and I cancelled our plans. All I could think about was Phil. Needless to say, I started ignoring Mike. He almost became annoying to me, because whenever he would text me, I would just get angry that he wasn’t Phil. I felt bad because it’s not like Mike knew what was on my mind.
Phil continued to consume my thoughts all summer long, and a little bit into the fall. Since I started college, though, it was really easy to finally officially forget about him. When I realized that I was finally ready to date other guys, I decided to talk to Mike. He seemed really uninterested in speaking to me, so I figured that he had completely moved on and probably never wanted to talk to me again. I was disappointed but I was also okay with that. After all, I was meeting tons of new guys every day.
Sometime in February I had a dream that Mike was my boyfriend. It was so random to me because I had not even thought about him once since the fall. I had completely forgotten about him. But I took this as a sign and I decided to try to talk to him again. I was hesitant since he had blown me off back in the fall, but I knew I had nothing to lose. Talking to him was the best decision I have ever made in my entire life. Since that first night in February, we have spoken every single day since. It was so easy, and perfect. It was like the planets and stars all aligned and the timing was amazing and everything just cleared the path for me and Mike to be together. He admitted that when I tried to speak to him earlier that year, he wasn’t being short with me because he didn’t like me. He said it was because he thought I was only talking to him out of pity since I had blown him off in the summer. This made a lot of sense. I don’t wish it would have happened any other way though. I realized that at any other point in time, it just would have never worked out between us. It had to happen then. And I’m so grateful that he was still there for me when I was finally ready for him.
Now every day when I wake up, the first thing I do is thank God for letting me be able to have Mike in my life. I appreciate my boyfriend every single day. I appreciate him because I know what life is like without him. “Someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.” Mike is so perfect for me, I can’t even describe it. And it finally makes sense why it never worked out with any other guys. Everything does happen for a reason. Now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life, and I have my Lovebug to thank for that. <3
